How to Survive a Sharknado in the Burgh.


Last week cable and the internet blessed us with the second coming of Sharknado. And it’s no surprise that the folks at Massaro Restoration were carried away by the hype. The first 10 minutes of our Friday’s marketing meeting was spent discussing this pressing matter. It eventually devolved into us describing our fantasies of Sharknados coming to Pittsburgh.

Look, I don’t need to apologize for a moment of twisted daydreaming. We are a disaster restoration company, and mythical storms are great for business. We have kids in college and mouths to feed, so even an F-2 sized-Shark-twister would put food on the table (not counting the endless supply of shark meat). Speaking of shark meat falling from heaven, for some odd reason when I think of a Sharknado in Pittsburgh, I just imagine there would be lot of pierogi debris. Honestly Sharknado in the Burgh sounds delicious, but I digress.

At Massaro Restoration, we’re very outcome focused, and it wouldn’t have been an effective meeting without concluding by distributing individual action plans. Me, being the super-important, entry level graphics guy, I was tasked with illustrating some type of Sharknado-emergency-escape-death-by-the-skin-of-your-teeth-plan. So you’re welcome.


  • Take alternate routes to avoid the overflow from the Mon Warf to the “Parkway Bathtub” both in-bound and out-bound. Those are surely to be shark filled waters.
  • If you find yourself at the Strip District you will notice more flying pierogi and bobble head debris than usual, wear appropriate headgear to protect against concussions.
  • And wait until next month to buy, “I survived the Pittsburgh Sharknado” tee shirts. The prices are outrageous right now.
  • The most horrifying thing of all will be on Route 28. Bottle necked, stand still traffic, flying dust and debris, people screaming for their lives, total chaos, confusion, and gnashing of teeth. Imagine that, but now add a Sharknado.
  • If you are at a Pirates game when a Sharknado hits, chanting, “Cue-to!” will not fix the situation. It will only cause Sharknado to drop more sharks from the sky. In fact if you find yourself at any Pittsburgh sporting event, do not boo the Sharknado just because Sharknado used to play for us but his contract expired, and he decided to sign with another team. This is a tornado-full-of-sharks and it has feelings just like any other tornado-full-of-sharks.
  • If you find yourself in the Southside on a Friday or Saturday night between 1:00 and 2:00 am, THERE IS NO HOPE. On the plus side, you don’t have to worry about any Sharknados touching down. Even Sharknado is afraid of the Southside after the bars close.
  • Finally, after Sharknado subsides and we are eating delicious shark sandwiches for weeks, you’ll undoubtedly have shark damage. Currently Massaro Restoration is the leading shark-property-damage-restoration-professionals in Pittsburgh. Shark damage is a specific service we provide in addition to our main focuses of Fire, Hazmat, Mold, Smoke, Water, and Wind.

Call us for shark emergencies and other property disasters at our 24/7 Emergency Response Hotline 412-599-0023.

Christ_Mike(Resume)Mike Christ, Marketing Design Specialist






There is no greater Priority.


Odds are, most commercial property owners, property managers, and tenants don’t have an emergency preparedness plan available for use in the event of a site emergency or disaster. The reasons for this can vary quite a bit: “I don’t have enough time; it’s not high on my priority list; where do I start; how do I put it together; I can’t afford one”, etc.

The reality is … the availability of a well-defined emergency preparedness plan should be assigned a high priority and not viewed as a “nice to have” option. There are many advantages to having an emergency plan in place, including providing critical time savings during an actual emergency, avoidance of potential legal claims as a result of not having an emergency plan, costs savings from minimizing the emergency, and most importantly the elimination and/or reduction of injuries and death.

An effective emergency preparedness plan should have the following attributes:

  1. Quick and easy multi-user access over the Internet or via strategically placed hardcopy paper versions. It should be relatively simple to use and understand. An emergency plan that is too difficult to interpret during an emergency is nearly useless.
  2. It should include a list of all contacts, their responsibilities, and phone numbers.
  3. Site blueprints and marked locations (gathering/safe areas, evacuation routes, fire extinguishers, etc.).
  4. Flexibility to respond to different types of emergencies listing the procedures specific to the particular emergency.

Our team at Massaro Restoration has created an easy to use, free online template for property/site managers to use in order to create a custom emergency preparedness plan specific to their needs. The plan is called “Priority Extreme”. It is located on the Massaro Restoration website and is accessed by clicking on the Priority Extreme tab. After which you will enter your username and password and begin to build your emergency preparedness plan….all free of charge.

If you need help navigating the site, please do not hesitate to call for assistance. We are happy to help you through the program, call 412.599.0023.

We hope you never have an emergency but in the event that you do, we’ll be there to assist in any needs that you encounter. We are at your service!

043014_0173 copyBrian Reuss, Director, Massaro Restoration Services, LLC